You’d think cacti would be impossible to kill. They survive in deserts! They laugh at drought! They’re basically plant tanks! So why was my first cactus turning yellow and mushy after just three weeks?
Turns out, I was doing literally everything wrong. And I mean everything. Wrong soil, wrong pot, wrong water, wrong… well, you get it. That poor grocery store cactus didn’t stand a chance against my aggressive love and complete ignorance.
Three years and roughly fifteen cacti later (RIP to the fallen soldiers), I finally get it. Indoor cacti aren’t hard — they’re just nothing like other houseplants. Once I stopped treating them like leafy plants and started treating them like the desert weirdos they are, everything changed. Now my windowsill looks like a spiky botanical garden, and people actually ask ME for cactus advice. Wild.
The Biggest Lies About Indoor Cacti
Let’s clear up some BS right away:
“Cacti don’t need water!”:
Wrong. They need water. Just… differently. My first cactus drowned because I believed this, then panic-watered when it looked sad.
“Any sunny window works!” :
Nope. My north-facing window? Cactus death trap. They need REAL sun, not just “bright light.”
“They’re perfect for beginners!”:
Only if beginners understand that cacti have opposite needs from basically every other houseplant.
“Just ignore them!”:
This killed cactus number four. Turns out there’s good ignoring and bad ignoring.
Light: The Make-or-Break Factor
Here’s what nobody told me: indoor cacti are constantly light-starved. That desert sun they evolved under? Your house doesn’t have it.
What doesn’t work:
- North windows (learned this with three dead cacti)
- “Bright indirect light” (they’ll survive but look terrible)
- That spot across the room that “seems bright”
- Anywhere more than 1 foot from a window
What actually works:
- South-facing window, right up against the glass
- West window as second choice
- East window for more sensitive species
- Grow lights if your windows suck
My game-changer moment: Moving my cacti to the kitchen south window. Within a month, they went from stretched and pale to compact and actually growing. One even bloomed. I almost cried.
The rotation rule:
Turn your cacti 1/4 turn weekly. Otherwise they lean toward light like they’re doing yoga. Learned this after my barrel cactus started looking like the Leaning Tower of Pisa.
Watering: Where Dreams Go to Die
This is where most of us murder our cacti. Including me. Multiple times.
My disasters:
- Watered weekly because “plants need water” (root rot)
- Misted them because “desert fog” (more rot)
- Watered in winter like summer (goodbye, Christmas cactus)
- Used ice cubes because Pinterest said so (just… no)
What actually works:
Summer watering: Wait until soil is bone dry throughout. Like, stick a chopstick to the bottom and it comes out clean. Then water thoroughly until it runs out drainage holes. For me, this is every 2-3 weeks.
Winter watering: Maybe once a month. Maybe. Some of mine go 6-8 weeks. They’re basically hibernating.
The finger test is useless for cacti. The top 3 inches can be dry while the bottom is swampy. Always check deep or just wait longer than feels comfortable.
Water temperature matters: Room temp only. Cold water shocks them. Hot water… also shocks them. They’re dramatic about temperature.
Soil: Not What You Think
Regular potting soil is cactus murder juice. It holds water like a sponge, and cacti roots need to dry FAST.
My evolution:
- Started with regular soil: 3 dead cacti
- Tried “cactus soil” from store: Still too heavy, 2 dead cacti
- Finally made my own: Success!
My recipe that actually works:
- 1 part regular potting soil
- 1 part coarse sand (not fine sand!)
- 1 part perlite
- Handful of small gravel
Sounds like a hostile growing medium? That’s the point. Water should run through like a sieve. If it pools on top for even a second, add more perlite.
Pots: The Silent Killer
That cute glazed pot with no drainage? Cactus coffin. That too-big pot you’re hoping they’ll grow into? Also death.
Rules that saved my cacti:
- Drainage holes are non-negotiable
- Terracotta is king (ugly but effective)
- Barely bigger than the cactus
- Shallow better than deep
I killed a beautiful golden barrel cactus in a gorgeous ceramic pot. No drainage. Looked amazing for two months, then imploded. Now all my cacti live in terracotta. Function over fashion, baby.
Temperature and Seasons
Cacti actually want cool winters. This blew my mind. I kept mine at constant 72°F and wondered why they never bloomed.
Summer:
Normal house temps (65-80°F) are fine. Warmer is better.
Winter:
They want 50-55°F nights. I move mine to the unheated spare room. First year I did this? Five cacti bloomed in spring. FIVE!
Never:
- Put them near heating vents
- Leave them by drafty windows
- Let them freeze (most indoor cacti aren’t that hardy)
Common Problems I’ve Faced (And Fixed)
Etiolation (Stretching): Your cactus looks like it’s reaching for something? It is. The sun. More light immediately.
Yellow/Brown patches: Usually sunburn from moving to bright light too fast. Or sometimes cold damage. Check placement.
Soft spots: Root rot. Unpot immediately, cut off rotten parts, let dry for a week, repot in fresh dry soil. Saved two this way.
Shriveling: Actually needs water. Or roots are dead from overwatering. Check roots first.
White fuzz: Mealybugs. Dab with alcohol on Q-tip. Check all your cacti — spreads fast.
No growth: Normal in winter. If it’s summer, needs more light or it’s time to repot.
Types That Actually Survive Indoors
Not all cacti are apartment-friendly. Trust me, I’ve tried.
Winners:
- Bunny ears (Opuntia) — forgiving and cute
- Barrel cacti — slow but steady
- Christmas cactus — different care but easier
- Mammillaria — stays small, blooms easily
- Gymnocalycium — handles less light better
Skip these (unless you have a greenhouse):
- Saguaro (gets massive, needs desert heat)
- Most columnar cacti (need more light than houses have)
- Super hairy/fuzzy ones (trap moisture indoors)
The Yearly Cycle That Finally Made Sense
Spring:
Wake-up time. Start watering more, they’ll show new growth. Best time to repot if needed.
Summer:
Growing season. Water regularly (for cacti), maybe feed monthly with diluted fertilizer.
Fall:
Slow down watering. Stop feeding. Prepare for dormancy.
Winter:
Barely water. Cool temps if possible. They’re sleeping. Let them.
Following this cycle gave me my first blooms. Before, I treated them the same year-round and got nothing but survival.
Why I’m Now a Cactus Convert
After all my murdered cacti, why keep trying? Because when you get it right, they’re amazing. Low maintenance (once you understand them), sculptural, some bloom with spectacular flowers, and they live forever if you don’t kill them.
My collection started with one sad grocery store cactus. Now I have twelve thriving specimens, including a 5-year-old barrel cactus that’s my pride and joy. They’ve taught me patience, the importance of drainage, and that sometimes loving plants means leaving them alone.
Your Cactus Survival Cheat Sheet
If you remember nothing else:
- Brightest window you have
- Water only when completely dry
- Fast-draining soil is crucial
- Terracotta pots with drainage
- Cool winter rest = spring blooms
- When in doubt, don’t water
That first cactus I killed? I bought the same species last year. It’s currently thriving in my south window, even pushed out a baby. Redemption feels good.
Just remember: cacti aren’t hard, they’re different. Stop treating them like houseplants and start treating them like desert natives who are slumming it in your apartment. Give them sun, drainage, and strategic neglect, and they’ll outlive us all. 🌵
